Yep, I'm a big ape who loves pedis! Took a dare, then THAT took on a life of its own! I was told that it would make a great blog subject, so here we go... Blogging about living life barefoot, pedicure love, and funny bare feet stuff that'll get you laughing! Come on in, plenty of smiles await, so keep scrolling down as you go (AND click "older posts" at the end)! DON'T BE A CREEP! It ain't about a fetish here, it's simply about 3 letters: F-U-N!
Best. Motto. Ever.
You'll hear me repeat it until my dying day: "BARE FEET = HAPPY LIFE!" ...It's THAT simple!
The holiday cycle begins! Since my feet are anything BUT creepy & scary (an every-other-week pedi habit...plus "in-between maintenence"...keeps everything below the ankles lookin' awesome regularly!), I figure I'll do most of the major holidays in some kinda' toes theme..HALLOWEEN being my favorite! When you have a pedi professional who's as good an artist as Annie (at U2 Nails in Northport), you can stretch out and get creative! So now that OPI's "Shattered" or "crackle" is the new rage, I figured I'd rock some Halloween colors..orange base w/ black Shattered on top! Annie then wanted to paint spiders on each big toe (which she did last year, that pic is below this paragraph) but I convinced her to attempt some skulls. Pulled up a skull pic on the iphone, and BAM! ..My lil' Asian artist ROCKED IT!! Happy Halloween, everyone! Too bad it's gonna be too cold & nasty here in NY to do it barefoot or in flipflops! However, if I am at a warm, toasty party at someone's house (and not a grungy, beer-soaked bar floor), then these babies are definitely coming out!
..Shooka shooka shooka shooka... That's usually the subtle sound that precedes the laughing (or the attempt not to).. Shooka shooka shooka shooka ..The sound that usually initiates some kind of involuntary spasm or flinch, or in my case, gripping the arms of the chair so tightly, that I almost leave finger marks in them. If you've ever gotten a pedicure before, and you're even remotely ticklish on your feet, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Not gonna' lie, it's kinda' fun to have done, yet it can be almost friggin' unbearable at times. I'm talking about the "pumice scrubby stone" that the pedi folks seem to loooooooove running up & down the bottoms of your feet, supposedly to remove dead skin & callouses, but probably because it's comedically entertaining to them to do it! Put it this way, at my place, U2 Nails (Northport, NY), the girls are all Chinese. I think there is a reason that something exists called "Chinese Tickle Torture", because my regular girl, Annie, goes fairly easy on me with the scrubby..But if I get two or three of the other girls, they seem to relish watching me trying not to laugh, and my head turning a unique shade of purple, as they give me the extended scrub..and laughing themselves as they ask, "Ohhhh, you tickrish?" ..Naaaaahhhh, what would've ever given you that idea?? The holding in of a giggle? The borderline-epileptic convulsions? The beads of sweat on my reddish/purple forehead? My friend Rachael actually brought up the great point of "Why do they even run that thing up in the arch?" Callouses are usually heels & balls-of-the-foot, but those pedi girls/guys suuuuuuuure do love blasting that scrubby in people's arches! Haha, but don't get me wrong, it actually is enjoyable, even if unbearable, to have done, because the reactions ARE fun and, hey, the comedy IS therapeutic anyway, right? OK, so the video above is me, of course, getting my scrubby "shooka shooka shooka" on at the pedi place, over a year ago. But there's a GREAT backstory..First off, the filming of this hilarity only happened because my dear childhood friend, Nicole, who looooves watching me squirm (or causing the squirming), insisted on filming it and immediately posting it online..(Love YOU, my evil childhood friend!)..Second, I was gonna prepare myself, try a mind-over-matter approach and focus intensely, and hold back the laughing this time. Well, that all went out the window when my friend Christina, on my right side, told me a hilarious story from her job as a nurse at a senior facility: It was time for the changing of an elderly person's very full (poopsie!)adult diaper, who was being crabby & difficult, and thus, didn't want their diaper changed. After much pleading & negotiating, all to no avail, a tug of war ensued, with Christina & her fellow nurse co-worker pulling on the loaded diaper to try and get it off, and the elderly person pulling back with both hands, trying to keep the diaper on. Well, what would give? Those tape straps that hold the diaper on! The diaper tore loose, flew across the room, emptying its contents all over the wall in true horror-movie "blood-splatter" fashion! Christina exploded, yelling every obscenity known to man, while the co-worker just stood there motionless, panic-screaming like she was actually in the movie, "Scream"! ...OK, there it is, the full backstory.. So now, when you watch the above video, and you see me laughing as it starts, it's because Christina had just told me that "poop story" before Nicole pressed the "record" button! I was already cracking up before the scrubby even started! There was absolutely no mind-over-matter possible at that point! (You can even hear me reference the "poop story" and "crap story" through my laughing) ..Still, made for a funny video that got more than a few views on youtube! And yes, I am quite sure there will be a few more sequels filmed of me being "tormented" in a pedi chair! Apparently, it's pretty funny stuff ..Shooka shooka shooka shooka...
To say that I tend to be barefoot (or in flipflops) as much as humanly possible would be a pretty big understatement. Fortunately I was blessed with really, REALLY good feet (that I take ridiculously good care of), so I can pull that off without ever worrying! ..So, what would I chalk up this all-consuming hatred of wearing "regular" shoes & socks to? Hmmm, besides being somewhat of a freak or slightly weird...ok, yes, more than slightly...would it be a "growing up in Northport, NY" thing? Because it was sure easy growing up here, going barefoot almost anyplace you would feel like it, when you spent the formative years of your life in a waterfront, beach-community town. But many of my friends who didn't grow up in Northport, or even close to the water, have the same 'No Shoes' attitude as I do. And at Northport high school back in the late 80's, it was almost commonplace to leave your sneakers in your locker (or carry 'em with you), and go to class barefoot when the weather was warm enough, usually from mid/late-May on. Or, when you finally started driving, you'd have shoes for the morning classes, shoot down to Crab Meadow or Asharoken Beach on the lunch period (it was an open campus), recklessly speed back to class, haphazardly park (because now you were late), leave your shoes/sneakers/flipflops in your car, and spend the last 2 or 3 periods shoeless! ..It was always funny to have one of the afternoon teachers comment, "Uh, didn't you have shoes on when I saw you this morning?" Hah, but then some of those teachers were guilty of the same "hippie behavior" as us teenagers! Mrs. Hickey, my 11th grade math teacher, would kick her heels off almost everyday, teach the class barefoot, with not a care in the world! Of course, I thought this was cool-as-hell, because my mentality was exactly the same way! And in 9th grade, it was my social studies teacher, Ms. Kroon, who at least 2-3 times a week, would sit at her desk (while we all reading text or readying to take notes), and you would hear the "ka-klunk ka-klunk" sound of shoes hitting the floor, and she would then walk around the rest of the class period, teaching in her stocking feet..(Ugh, is there any term worse than "stocking feet"? It just sounds like it shoulda' really been left back in 1924). Well, whatever the reason is for never wanting to wear shoes & socks, I never grew out of it, and now as I approach those middle-age years, I'm probably way more outta' control now than I ever was as a kid! No problems here, I am surely happy with that character flaw! Especially since I always do the "crazy painted toes" pedicure thing now! I only wear flipflops all year, until the temperatures get down to the frostbite/dangerous levels, but it's to the point that I actually went out, 2 yrs. ago, and bought some nice Steve Madden dressy leather guys' flipflops, to wear to all summer/warm weather weddings, engagement parties, etc., JUST so I can leave 'em at the table after a few (too many) drinks, and rock the dancefloor barefoot, to a MASSIVE number of kudos, compliments, and yes, many people wanting to snap pictures of my silly, painted-toes!! Besides my sister's wedding (in which I was running around playing host, taking pictures, conversing with everyone, and not really hitting the dancefloor), I canNOT remember the last wedding reception, or other semi-formal party, that I actually wore my shoes at (Yes, maybe there's a liquid-based reason I can't remember)! Seriously, if it wasn't "flipflops off & drunken barefoot dancefloor boogiedown", then it was "dress shoes off & drunken sliding around in socks the entire night"! ..The picture at the top of this post was from Sept. 2010, my friend Meghan's incredible wedding. 4 songs in, those Madden flipflops were off, and dancin' barefoot (Intox? Yep!) for the next 4 hours. The funny part about that picture is that it was taken by the professional wedding photographer, who musta' saw me with my camoflage toes, came up and asked, "Sir, is it OK if we get a picture of your feet?" Haha! Why, sure you can, buddy!!! And Meghan's mom, who I had never met before that reception, came up to me at one point, and said, "I saw you dancing barefoot from across the room, and I LOVE that you're not wearing shoes! I had to come over and meet you because you look like you're having so much fun!!" I was! ...And really, isn't that what it's all about in the end? BARE FEET = FUN ....Disclaimer: As long as YOU take care of your feet!! ...(Below is me & Meghan again, from our friend Mary's St. Pat's Day Wedding, 2011.. Yes, those are shamrocks on my big toes! And, no surprise, Meg & I were pretty much the first ones losin' the shoes at that reception. Some things you canNOT change, so don't even try! :)
First off, I don't have a "foot fetish", per se. If you do, whatever, it's all good, I don't judge people (or at least I TRY not to). But I don't sneak around sniffing people's shoes like a creep, or doing "adult acts" to pictures of feet. I don't really quite get that aspect, but it's 2011, so if that's your thing, then, hey, whatever floats your boat (as long as you ain't a "Jerry Sandusky")... ..Me, I just hate wearing shoes, love going barefoot as much as possible, and now have what I would term a "healthy addiction" to pedicures! This crazy toes game that I play started 2 yrs ago, at a drunken football playoff party (Chargers/Steelers AFC title game) when a bud's wife found out I was getting regular pedicures to take care of my feet (and because they feel freakin' AWESOME, especially with the extra foot massage & hot gel soak!), and said to me, "That's really great that you get pedis, but you don't have the balls to get your toes painted black!" ..I didn't have to answer her because my pal, her husband, turned to her and said, "Why would you do that? You KNOW he will!" ...(Editor's note: I'll do just about anything that won't get me locked up, screw up my career, or make me a parapelegic)... Painted toes are easy, they ain't permanent like tats! If you get sick of it, there's always nail polish remover! And I haven't gotten sick of it yet, waaaaaaaay to many great compliments from random strangers and friends alike! Some think it's hilarious, some think I'm a psycho, some think I'm playing for "the other team" (insert the Seinfeld line here)..whatever, I love it (now one of my favorite hobbies) and love taking it to the extreme, which you will all see when I figure out how to upload pics on this thing! The basic rule is, if you're gonna enjoy going barefoot as much as I do (which is basically "whenever, wherever"), then take care of your feet. No one likes looking down and seeing two ugly, hygenic disasters attached to your ankles. ..And to tell the truth, I like my time with the ladies at the pedi place. My female friends, friends' wives, & random stranger chicks...AND the chinese girls who work there..all seem to get pure elation outta seeing me in that pedi chair, seeing me struggle not to laugh when they do that scrubby part to the bottoms of my feet (The funny videos that are right below this paragraph, but more to come on that "scrubby" subject later!), and marveling at whatever crazy art design I decide to slap on my ten lil' celebrities! No exaggeration, the
compliments on the finished work are always off the charts! Yep, it's ALL good. If Gene Simmons, Ozzy, Shaq, & Chuck Liddell can get their toes painted, so can I... Stay tuned..
